Excuse Me, But What's Wrong With You?

I know how much y'all enjoy my stories from work so I thought I'd add a little something else to make you giggle.

Part of my job entails me finding diagnosis codes for the visits. Every once in a while I come across a bizarre code that makes me laugh, so I thought I'd share some of the crazy diagnosis's I've come across.

Artificial vagina
bird face
beer drinkers heart
black hairy tongue
cheese itch (another term for a yeast infection perhaps?)
devil's pinches (it didn't specify where he pinches, so be careful)
dirt eating child
fat disturbance
lone star fever
Monday fever (I get this every week, maybe I should be concerned)
romanus lesion (watch out the lesion that roams your anus!)
hysterical spasm (I didn't see a code for docile spasm)
spastic child (seriously, there's a code for a spastic child!)
spastic constipation ( isn't that a contradiction in terms?)
watermellon stomach
wandering tongue rash ( watch where you put your tongue on someone with a rash!)

I really hope none of you ever experience any of illnesses, but if you do you'll have to forgive me if I giggle at you!