My Liposuction Experience

My surgery went really well....from what I hear. To tell you the truth, I don't a damn thing that happened after I got my shot of Demerol.

I do remember feeling some discomfort at some point but it felt like a dream to me. I remember mumbling about something hurting and trying to push the doctors hand away, then I remember feeling someone take my arm and then after that, nuthin.

I don't remember getting dressed, talking to anybody or even going out to the car.
Connie was nice enough to fill me in on the blank spots.

Aparently I was so out of it on the way home that I was sleeping with my mouth wide open and was snoring!
Connie took me to her house for the night and she said when we got there I went into the bathroom and vomited. Then I proceeded to walk down a flight of stairs and vomit in another bathroom.
I "woke up" about 5:30 pm but then immediately passed out again until about 10:30 pm, I saw later that I had texted Connie and asked for more blankets because I was cold.

The next thing I remember was it being morning and I had to pee. I got up, went to the bathroom and attempted to look at myself in the mirror, but promptly passed out.
Thankfully Connie heard me fall and came down to help me. After I got to relieve myself and see myself, I went back to bed for a few hours.

When I woke up a few hours later, I felt pretty good. I felt good enough to go home and be able to take care of myself again.

I've felt really good the past few days, I'm just really sore. And bruised.

And oh yeah, sorry y'all, no video. Connie wasn't around for the before surgery giddiness, she was only there to pick me up. And she didn't think it was appropriate to tape me in the state I was in post surgery.
Although she did say she thought about taping me snoring. That I wouldn't have minded seeing, I'm sure it was funny!

Even though it was weird and highly uncomfortable, I'm glad I did it. And when I'm not swollen anymore and all healed I'm sure I'll feel even better about it.

My Surgery Is Tomorrow!

Ok, so my surgery got moved up to tomorrow afternoon!

If you don't already, be sure you follow me on twitter because I'm sure to tweet some weird, random shit while hopped up on drugs!

I'm Turning Into Heidi Montag

Ok, so I've decided to have a little work done.

I'm lucky enough to work for a doctor that performs cosmetic procedures, so I get to have stuff done at a deep discount.
Remember last year when I got Botox? It was cheap! And I'm already addicted. I told doc that I needed it again and he told me to wait until a drug rep comes in to talk about his new Botox like product because he's getting 4 bottles for free and he'll use it on me and it will also be free for me!

I've been thinking about getting something else done and finally decided to bite the bullet and just do it. So this weekend I'm getting liposuction!
I had to giggle when I read the pre and post op instructions.

Before surgery I need to take my meds, take a shower and brush my teeth.

After surgery I need to wear both maxi pads and Depends. I thought it was maybe because I was going to shit myself because I would be so out of it but upon further reading, it's to collect the drainage.
I'm gonna look so hot, walking around with maxi pads taped to my body while strutting around in my Depends!

Don't worry, Connie is going to video tape me so you can expect a vlog next week of me all drugged up and loopy on meds.

Excuse Me, But What's Wrong With You?

I know how much y'all enjoy my stories from work so I thought I'd add a little something else to make you giggle.

Part of my job entails me finding diagnosis codes for the visits. Every once in a while I come across a bizarre code that makes me laugh, so I thought I'd share some of the crazy diagnosis's I've come across.

Artificial vagina
bird face
beer drinkers heart
black hairy tongue
cheese itch (another term for a yeast infection perhaps?)
devil's pinches (it didn't specify where he pinches, so be careful)
dirt eating child
fat disturbance
lone star fever
Monday fever (I get this every week, maybe I should be concerned)
romanus lesion (watch out the lesion that roams your anus!)
hysterical spasm (I didn't see a code for docile spasm)
spastic child (seriously, there's a code for a spastic child!)
spastic constipation ( isn't that a contradiction in terms?)
watermellon stomach
wandering tongue rash ( watch where you put your tongue on someone with a rash!)

I really hope none of you ever experience any of illnesses, but if you do you'll have to forgive me if I giggle at you!

Doctors Office Humor

So I've got some more funny stories from work to tell y'all.

Ok y'all, I've got some more work funnies for ya!


I asked a woman to get on the scale and she asked if she really had to. I told her that yes I did need a current weight on her, so she gets on the scale and says, "I didn't come in for a weight problem but I'm leaving with one".

The other day I was taking the blood pressure on a man and it was a little high, so I told him I'd recheck it again before he left because it might be lower after his visit. Before he left I went to check his BP again and he told me he thought he knew the reason why it was high the first time, he said it was because it always goes up when I good looking nurse takes it. I just giggled and he told me he wasn't kidding. I resumed taking his BP and it had indeed gone down, so I told him it was normal now and he said "yeah, that's because I was picturing you ugly".

And last but certainly not least.
A woman called wanting to be seen so the receptionist asked me if we would be able to see her for her problem. I asked what her problem was and she said "she coughed so hard she ruptured her belly button".
I starting laughing and asked again why she wanted to be seen. "Spacey" told me not to laugh at her, she was just repeating what the patient had told her. I told her I wasn't laughing at her, I was laughing at what she told me. She said that the patient was very concerned because she was in a lot of pain and very concerned that she had ruptured her belly button.

I told her that we could see her for her issue, and FYI, it's impossible to rupture your belly button.

Don't Piss Me Off Or Treat Me Wrong, Unless You Want Me To Pray For You

I had a bad dream the other night. I dreamt that most of you left me. And you left me because I wasn't blogging much anymore. My follower number bottomed out and my subscriber numbers went along for the ride too.



I apologize for not blogging more, but honestly nothing of note has happened lately. And y'all know I don't like to post something unless it's funny.

I do have to admit though that a couple of funny things did happen at work recently but by the time I got around to telling y'all about it, I had forgotten most of them.



Hopefully more funny and important things will come along and I'll be able to blog about them.



And I do actually have something to share with y'all today. I was driving home from work the other day and a song came on the radio that I hadn't heard before.

And I gotta tell you, I about pissed myself from laughing so hard.



I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do. This song is also available for purchase on iTunes.